


Selfish

by ferdithea



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: AU, Black Eagles Lysithea von Ordelia, Black Eagles Students as Family (Fire Emblem), Canon Divergence - Fire Emblem: Three Houses Black Eagles Route, Crimson Flower, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Black Eagles Route, Found Family, Friendship, Gen, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 15:21:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29473875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ferdithea/pseuds/ferdithea
Summary: When Ferdinand leaves the Imperial Army with no notice, things aren’t adding up. All Dorothea wanted to do was protect her family.
Relationships: Dorothea Arnault & Bernadetta von Varley, Dorothea Arnault & Hubert von Vestra, Ferdinand von Aegir & Dorothea Arnault, Ferdinand von Aegir/Hubert von Vestra
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	Selfish

**Author's Note:**

> AU where Byleth is with Claude. The Imperial Army fails to take Derdriu, but Lysethia is still forced to surrender. Everyone retreats back. 
> 
> The Imperial Army plans to launch another attack on Derdriu, but is stopped by the Alliance and the Empire Armies at Gronder Field. The battle ends in a tie, with both sides being forced to retreat due to casualties.

Imperial Year 1885, 1st day of the month of the Harpstring Moon. Midnight strikes, and it’s officially a day after the battle at Gronder Field. Moonlight shines through the cracks in the roof of the cathedral. The bright light hits the Empress’ skin from where she looks up at the moon. Edelgard is practically having a staring contest with it, wishing for some sort of answer and maybe it will come to her if she wins. She held her axe with a death grip, and her stare turned into a glare. 

The war meeting had finished late into the night. There had been no celebrations after the battle, and the meeting with her most trusted advisors had been extremely quiet. Out of all the members of the Black Eagles Strike Force, Ferdinand, Dorothea, and Petra were the only ones who showed up. The others were bedridden in the infirmary. She talked about the lengthy plan of attack they would initiate on the Alliance army at the end of next month, but she got very little feedback from her old classmates. 

For once, Ferdinand was practically silent. He looked like he had a million things he wanted to say, but in the end he sat in silence and just listened. Petra was much the same, but she visibly looked more upset than Ferdinand. She kept her expression firm and determined, but she could see that deep down in her eyes, she was troubled. Edelgard knew that there was a large chance that Petra could have cut down one of her old classmates, maybe one of her old friends. It was all too likely. 

And then there was Dorothea. Like the others, she was quiet. Her eyes were bloodshot and her voice trembled when she asked Ferdinand for one of his handkerchiefs. Edelgard ignored the sob that escaped the Songstress’s lips as she exited the room, holding onto Petra and Ferdinand like they were her lifeforce. 

She didn’t take her stare off the moon. This was the reality of war. Her path was soaked in blood and tears, and there was no turning back and no desire to do so. She didn’t like it, but she had no other choice. She wished Byleth was here, they always seemed to be able to comfort the students in times like this. The truth was, she herself had no time for it, and her professor stood on the other side of the war. 

“It appears as though something is troubling you, Lady Edelgard.” Hubert said as he came out from where he was leaning against the walls of the dimly lit cathedral. He stood beside Edelgard in the puddle of moonlight. 

She chuckled. “That obvious, hm?” Despite her small laugh, her voice was bitter, cold, and angry. “That battle was pretty much pointless, wasn’t it?” 

“Hm. It certainly didn’t go as planned.” Hubert responded. “However, we did manage to kill some of Dmitri and Claude’s old classmates. That should set them back, at least emotionally.”

Edelgard sighed. “No. Claude and Dmitri aren’t stupid, they know that they have no time to slow down over just a few deaths. Now, they are bloodthirsty and seek revenge. I should have brought more units to fight, but I wasn’t expecting the Kingdom and the Alliance to ally. Instead it ended with a draw.” 

“True, but each side lost a great deal. We still have advantages and everyone in the Black Eagles Strike Force. We can then lead the next assault on Claude, and can successfully capture Derdriu.”

A small, relieved smile came across Edelgard’s face. “Yes, you are right. We have the upperhand and the numbers to crush him. It’s not much, but I think it’s still a win in theory-“

“A win?” A cracked voice came from behind the pair. “You are seriously calling that a win?” Ferdinand said as he melted out of the shadows. 

Edelgard turned towards him. He was unarmed and looked extremely tired and beaten after the events of the battle. He also had a look that Edelgard rarely saw from him. Anger, sadness, and pure exhaustion. The look in his eyes frightened even the Empress. Dangerously close to the eyes of someone out for revenge, she realised.

“Ferdinand. How long have you been listening?” 

“Since the beginning. And you are really considering this a win?” He said again. He looks so tired.

She was tired too. All she could manage to do was sigh. “It’s complicated, Ferdinand, and you know this.”

“Caspar is still unconscious. Lysithea’s lungs are damaged from the fire. Linhardt’s wounds won’t stop bleeding. And Bernadetta.” His voice shook. “She is covered in burns that will turn into scars. There is a chance she will never be able to walk again! Or live again! They don’t deserve this.” He yelled, his voice dripped with pain. Edelgard watched as hot tears trickled down his cheek. 

“I… This is the consequence of war. I’m devastated at the outcome as well, but we have to keep moving forward. They are strong. They will survive.” She told him, trying to sound as firm as possible. 

“And you, Edelgard? Are you aware that you started the fire? Bernadetta was fighting for you, and you set the hill she stood on on fire. She was risking her life for you, and you try to kill her? She would have died if Lysethia hadn’t saved her.”

“We had no other choice Ferdinand. Do you really think that I wanted to see my friend die?” She said, but she knew that no matter what, no matter the logic she layed out for him, he simply wouldn’t understand. Sometimes even Hubert didn’t understand, but she did. This was her path, and she would follow it through. 

“I do not know, Edelgard. You knew she was there. You stationed her on that hill and you set it aflame.” He told her, surprisingly calm although his face was flooded with tears. No, she didn’t think calm was the exact right word. It wasn’t like the calm before a storm either. It was once again exhaustion, and he was simply just tired of this war. “But I believe I agree with you when you said this. That battle was useless. Edelgard, there was no real reason for that fight! Things weren’t going to end there and you knew it! This is just meaningless fighting!” 

“You do not understand. There was no way to avoid that fight and you must know that, even if things couldn’t have ended there.” Edelgard countered back. Hubert stood in silence beside her. 

“Then why did you almost kill Bernadetta? Why did you put Linhardt on the frontlines? If this wasn’t the final battle, and you knew it, why are you risking it all? Edelgard, please listen to me.” He begged. “I can help you, we all can help you, end this war with less bloodshed. There has to be a way. I am your advisor too, and I want to help you walk the right path.”

The Empress thought for a moment. She wanted to end this war as well, and she had considered how to do it with as minimal violence as possible many times. But each plan had ended in a pool of blood at her feet. She knew what she was doing, she had steeled herself to walk this path. 

He just won’t understand. He will just continue to get in the way. 

“Ferdinand, I don’t want to do this. You have two choices. Follow me and help command with me. Stay here with your Black Eagles and don’t get in my way any more. Or leave. Go to the other side of this war with your teacher, and I will kill you if I see your face again.”

She believed that she had steeled herself enough. She believed she had, but the words she spat at him stung her as much as it stung him. Ferdinand was her friend. He was one of the few things she had left. He was smart, a brave warrior, and so many other things, but she knew he would get in the way. A roadblock on her path that she had decided to tread long ago.

“No. I will not back down. I hold a promise to you that I will guide you in the right direction, no matter what.” He stated firmly. Hubert’s breathing was heavy. 

“You will leave me no choice then. I will cut down anyone who stands in the way of me and my goal.” Edelgard warned him, as a tear slipped from her eye and trickled down her cheek. 

He crumbled to his knees. “Then cut me down. I am sorry that I was unable to fulfill my promise to you. I do not have much fight left in me, and I don’t fear death much more either, I’m afraid.” He said and gave her a weak smile. 

“I’m sorry as well. I wish it hadn’t come to this.” She said and raised her axe. 

“Lady Edelgard!” Hubert yelled as she held the axe over her old friend, ready to be the one to take his life. Hubert thought that he had steeled himself too, but he was even farther from it than Edelgard. 

He remembered when they had first brought each other gifts of coffee and tea, something that became a regular occurrence. He knew Ferdinand’s favourite tea was Southern Fruit Blend, and he even managed to share a cup with the man too, although he still preferred coffee much more. He would get so excited every time they tried a new drink and he would smile in a way that made him feel things that he shouldn’t have the luxury of feeling. It made him feel like nothing and everything at the same time, and the feeling was intoxicating. He would probably call it love if he had to put a name on it. 

And it was about to be gone forever as the Empress swung her axe downwards towards Ferdinand, the man who he loved the most. 

But he was selfish. He couldn’t steel his heart from Ferdinand. So he grabbed his hand and tugged. He saved his skull from the power of Amyr. But a horrifying scream came from his mouth. Blood coated the weapon. His leg and arm dripped red. He howled in pain, clutching his sides. Hubert had barely even registered what he had done, but he was alive. He was screaming and dying but alive. 

Edelgard looked towards him. She didn’t say anything, just looked at him. For once, he couldn’t read her eyes or expression. She then gazed at Ferdinand. 

“Leave. I already warned you what would happen if I see your face again.” She said. He was already limping away as fast as he could across the bridge that connected the monastery and the church. Not a single look back either. “Clean this up.” Edelgard told Hubert. Her voice shook, and he spotted many more tears that had now dotted her face. 

He didn’t respond, for once too shocked to say anything. He grabbed a nearby bucket and mop and got to work cleaning the trail of blood left by Ferdinand. Edelgard walked past him, and turned to the direction of her room, not saying a word. He continued to clean all the way across the bridge, the corridors, the pathways, until it led into the forest. 

Hubert didn’t want to even look for him. It was all too likely that he would find the body of his lover, bled out and dead in that forest. So he turned back, and finally, the tears of his own came. He knew he shouldn’t have let emotions get in the way, but it was too late now. And the worst part was that he doesn’t think that he would trade what he felt for Ferdinand von Aegir for anything in the world.

He cried quietly till dawn. He had a duty and a loyalty to return to, and an emotionless mask to put back on. As he headed back the way he came from, he spotted something red. It was jammed between a rock and the wall of the monastery. It was that silly thing Ferdinand always wore around his neck. The accessory was horribly hidden, practically in plain sight, but Hubert figured that he didn’t have much time to worry about a good hiding place for it. 

It was soaked in blood. He didn’t know why he left it there for sure, but he had a pretty good hunch. A final message to his classmates if they happened to be lucky enough to stumble upon it and work out the message: 

“Get out of here. Run for your life before she kills you too.”

* * *

  
  


Dorothea lived to sing. It was the one thing that she had left. It was also something that her friends lived for too. She sang softly to Caspar as he laid still in the infirmary bed. She didn’t know if it helped him, but it was all she could offer to her little brother. Linhardt sat beside him, grasping his hand despite being gravely injured himself. Dorothea knew better than to ask him to separate from Caspar. His usual calm and collected breathes were rapid and shaken. She continued to sing for what seemed like hours until his breathing calmed. Towards midnight, he finally fell asleep. 

Then Ferdinand came. With the strength of the two of them, they pushed two of the cots together and layed Linhardt beside Caspar. When they were done, she put both of their hands back together, like it should be. It was peaceful and bittersweet for only a moment, when sobs broke out from the other side of the room. She could recognize the cries from anywhere, and it broke her heart in two. 

Bernie was on the other side of the room, tucked into a corner. Her bed was across from Lysethia’s, another sight that broke her heart. A healer stood over the white haired girl, using her magic to make sure that she could breathe. Her condition was getting better, but it still scared her. She was asleep, and Dorothea made a silent note to visit her tomorrow. 

The sobs continued from where Bernie lay. Her hair in knots and her face red and puffy, burn marks scorched across her body. She and Ferdinand rushed over and held her hands. Sometimes all you could do was cry, and that was Bernie’s case. Stuck in an infirmary bed for Goddess knows how long. She sang to her, a song she had once sung to the girl over five years ago. She remembered sitting in the classroom as Bernie cried much like she did now as she told Dorothea of her past and the atrocities her father had committed against her. 

Dorothea remembered that moment, how much she had wanted revenge. She wanted to kill Bernie’s father. It wasn’t fair that Bernie, who deep down was so kind hearted and brave, had gone through that. It had changed her forever, what that man had done. And she was sure this would change her forever as well. It made her blood boil this time around too. She wanted to avenge one of her dearest friend’s, but the person who did this was the Imperial Empress herself. 

And Goddess, that hurt too. She knew that Edelgard had to make sacrifices. She knew that this journey was soaked with blood, but this went too far. Or did it go too far long ago? This whole thing went too far from the very start, she decided. So she sang to her friend as her cries slowly turned into quiet sobs. Before she fell asleep, she heard her whisper “I love you guys”. Both her eyes and Ferdinand’s watered. 

She remembered that afterwards, he had told her he needed to see her Edelgard. His glassy eyes had turned hard. “Alright. Be safe, Ferdie.” She had told him. He nodded towards her, his large, radiant smile gone. Only a small sad one remained. A smile that had been all too familiar these days, coming from both her and him. 

The next day, Edelgard announced that Ferdinand von Aegir had left the Empire. She spat the words at the remaining members of the Strike Force. Almost like some sort of warning. A sob almost escaped her throat as Edelgard left the infirmary where they had gathered, leaving almost as fast as she had come. She felt so many emotions, so many things that her head felt dizzy. This didn’t make any sense at all. Why didn’t he tell her he planned to run away? This can’t be right. 

Singing wasn’t the only thing she had left, she realised. She had her family. She refused to let any of them be taken away from her. And now her Ferdie was gone. 

“This is not in the right. Ferdinand would not be leaving the Empire.” Petra said, an expression similar to her’s sat on the Princess’s face. “And Hubert is not okay either.”

“Really? I guess I didn’t pay attention, but now that you mention it...” Dorothea said.

“I agree. He looked awfully tired. There were practically bruises under her eyes.” Linhardt commented from where he sat cross legged on his bed, his hand in Caspar’s, who still hadn’t woken up yet. 

“Yeah…” She pictured the unusual face that he had on today. “Thinking about it, his eyes were bloodshot. I mean, I know he loves Ferdie and would be just as devastated as we are… But he still is Edelgard’s “humble servant” or whatever he calls himself.”

“Did something happen between them?” Bernadetta croaked from her bed. 

Dorothea bit her lip. “Last night, around midnight, he told me he needed to speak with Edelgard. That was the last I saw of him.” 

“I will be searching for clues then.” Petra announced. “I will be letting you know if I find anything of use.” She told her friends and swiftly left the infirmary. Dorothea wished the rest of the Eagles her goodbyes with plans to do the same. 

But her short search led her to a familiar spot. She knew she wouldn’t find any clues here, but she doubted that she would find anything useful anyways. Dorothea made her way to the cliff at the end of the forest that overlooked the monastery. The sun was nearing half way in the sky, and the spring sun felt amazing. Birds chirped and flowers had begun to blossom in the rolling fields below. She realized it was the month of the Harpstring Moon. Ferdinand’s birthday was yesterday and they planned to celebrate it today, after the battle was done. 

This doesn’t make sense. 

The Harpstring Moon was the month when the Saints were honoured through music, dance, and singing. It had been her favourite month, as spring rushed through Fodlan and summer was right around the corner. Now that it was here, all she could do was belt. She didn’t know if the sounds she screamed into the air could be counted as singing, but at least it made her feel something. Her throat ached and her song slowly came to a stop. She promised herself that she would sing nice and calm for her family, and that she would bring their spirits up. She would love them and protect them. But right now, alone, this was all she could muster up for herself. 

She sat on a rock overlooking the hill, sitting in silence as the sun creeped across the sky. At first, she tried to think and come up with some sort of plan. But she realized she didn’t even know what to plan for. So she simply sat, with no thoughts to keep her company.

“... Dorothea.” An unusually soft voice came from behind her. 

“Hubert.” She looked back at the man who stood at the edge of the small clearing that surrounded the cliff. His usual dark and creepy voice was nowhere to be heard. Petra’s observations were correct. He looked like an empty shell of his usual self. “What happened to him?” Dorothea asked him, her voice raspy and shaken. 

From his pocket, he pulled out… Ferdinand’s neck piece? But it was dark red, a totally different shade from his-

Oh.

“No… What the hell… What the hell happened to him, Hubert?” This can’t be real. She refused to believe that her Ferdie was dead. 

“Long story short, he was struck down by Lady Edelgard for opposing her future plans. He escaped with merely his life. At least I hope.” He told her. “I found this in the morning after I cleaned up his blood trail. I assume it was meant as a message to leave the army.”

She had a thousand questions that she wanted to ask. Her head spun even faster than it had been turning all day. Truthfully, she didn’t know if she was relieved to hear that Ferdinand might be alive. She hadn’t wanted to consider if something like this could happen, as she had wanted to believe that Edelgard wouldn’t go this far. But after what had happened with Bernie, and so many other events in the past, she should have considered this an option. And now this was real. Ferdinand von Aegir, who did everything he could to lead his Empress down the right path, was almost murdered by her. 

“Why are you telling me this? I doubt that Edelgard will be thrilled if she finds out you told me this.” She asked. Another thing that didn’t make sense. The list kept getting longer. 

He paused for a moment. “I want to give you a choice. Of course I wouldn’t do anything that wouldn’t benifit Lady Edelgard. So this is why I am telling you.” He said. “You can stay here and live with it. Fight along Lady Edelgard’s side until we are victorious. Never speak of Ferdinand again. Or, you can leave.”

“Leave?” Dorothea said in disbelief.

“Yes, leave the Imperial Army and join the other side.” He said matter of factly. 

“And how on earth is this helping Edelgard?”

“She knows that if any of you get in her way, she will have to cut you down with her own hands. I don’t want to burden her with such things, or live with any guilt of killing her dearest friends.” Hubert cleared his throat. “And… I recently discovered that I am quite selfish when I pulled the man I loved the most away from Lady Edelgard’s axe. I discovered that I don’t want you all to die.” He chuckled sadly, starring off into the field. “But I hope that discovery will stay between you and me.”

Dorothea smiled at him. Not a sad one, not a radiant one, but a small, hopeful smile. “Of course, Hubie.” She said and ran towards him, hugging him tight. He didn’t resist, just stood there with shaky breaths. Goddess… How long had it been since Edie became Edelgard? Or when Hubie became Hubert. She didn’t know, but she was at least glad to have Hubie back. 

“I’ll talk with the others. But.. I think it’s time for us to take our leave.” Dorothea sighed as she unwound her arms from around him. “Thank you for being selfish. I would ask you to come with us, but I know that isn’t what you want.”

“Yes, that would be a rather foolish question.” He said. “My loyalty, beliefs, and wishes remain here with Lady Edelgard. And I believe I should go, I’ve been gone far too long. I will let you know when it is time to go.”

Her eyes watered. “Thank you. We will miss you.”

Hubert only nodded as he walked away. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


A week and half later, everyone was starting to get better. Caspar had woken up a few days later after the battle. She had never seen Linhardt hug someone so tight. Bernie’s condition was stabilized, but she couldn’t walk, and it would be a long time before she could again. Lysithea was pretty much back to full health, well, as healthy as she could be. Dorothea had told them the plan that Hubert had proposed. At first they were torn, as she expected, but after telling them what had happened to Ferdinand, they quickly agreed to join in. 

Today was the day they were leaving. Their final day at Garreg Mach Monastery, their last day in the Imperial army, and the final day that they would see Edelgard and Hubert. She knew the next time she saw them, it would be her last sight or their last sight. It truly didn’t feel real, but she told herself to cherish and enjoy the little things today. It would only get harder from here once they left. 

So she ate her favourite food in the dining hall, drank Sweet-Apple Blend, her favourite tea, and sang at the docks by the lake, by the greenhouse where the flowers bloomed, and at her favourite spot, the cliff that overlooked the monastery. Her friends did the same. She spotted Caspar and Petra dueling each other at the training grounds. Capar later told her that Linhardt was sneaking around in the monastery vaults underground, picking up a few crest items to take with them. Lysithea sat at one of the benches in the dining hall, swinging her legs happily while shoving pieces of cake into her mouth at an alarming rate. Dorothea chuckled to herself at the sight. Even Bernie was spotted outside of her room, tending to some plants in the greenhouse. It was all so normal, until night finally fell.

They didn’t carry much, as they needed to be as light as possible. The plan was to take Ferdinand’s horse and simply run. Hubert told them he would distract the guards, and that was then they would go. The plan was so simple, it was almost concerning. It was too late to second guess as everyone had already gathered in Bernie’s room. No one spoke a word. 

Footsteps slowly became louder and louder outside of the room. “Guard's!” A voice shouted. Hubert was here. “Follow me. It appears that some of our ranks are trying to sneak out.” He ordered.

Goddess, he was smart. His lie would be more convincing if the Empress thought that he was the one trying to stop them in the first place. Dorothea peered out the crack in Bernie’s door, and watched as they slipped around a corner, heading towards the stables.

“Now!” She whispered and pushed open the door.

They quietly dashed across the courtyard, following the path of Hubert. The areas that had once been patrolled with guards were now empty. They reached the stables once the last knight vanished around a corner far in the distance. Taking Ferdinand’s steed out of its stable as quietly as possible, they placed Bernie on the horse. She had been being carried by Petra, as she couldn’t walk, but now she at least had a form of mobility. Now for the last part.

She dragged the reins of the horse over to the marketplace, with her family in tow. It was empty, not surprising considering how late it was. They neared the gate, where a guard stood. He shot them a confused look.

“We’re heading out for a mission.” Dorothea told the guard with her biggest smile. He nodded and wished them a safe journey. They walked through the gates, and now, they were practically free. 

They walked until the guard was out of view, and then they ran. They ran as fast as they could and they didn’t stop for a second of air. Her lungs hurt, and she couldn’t imagine how the others felt, who had just recovered from their injuries. But as the sun began to light the world, the monastery was no longer in view. Their fast pace slowly turned into a walk.

“We did it.” Bernie said in disbelief. Then she laughed in relief. Despite betraying one of her dearest friends, leaving the army she fought in for five years, and too many other things, she also laughed. Everyone laughed too. She suddenly didn’t feel as guilty about leaving once she heard the people she loved the most laugh because they were simply so relieved. She would keep them safe, and she hoped that Byleth and Claude, who would soon stand on their side of the war, would protect them too. 

As they trailed east towards the Alliance Territory, she walked in silence as her friends chatted quietly among themselves. Their conversation warmed her heart, they were talking about what they planned to do once the war was finally over. Petra would be going back to her homeland, and it was possible that Bernie would be joining her. Lysethia said she would probably return home and spend the last of her days with her parents, but Linhardt said that he would be working on his crest research, with Caspar in tow of course. And specifically, research on how to remove a crest. Lysethia punched his side lightly, and hugged his arm. Dorothea knew Linhardt would never admit it, but he cared for Lysithea like a little sister, even though she had been with them for a very short time. 

For herself, she didn’t know. All she could do was hope to find a loving spouse who would hold her is their arms, even when she was old and grey and her voice couldn’t sing anymore. That was all she really wanted at the end of this. She didn’t share her thoughts with the rest of the group, as her mind was somewhere else. It all didn’t feel real, and her thoughts kept drifting back to someone. 

Hubert had probably told Edelgard that they were missing by now. She wondered how she would react. Would she cry? Would she simply shake it off and pretend they never existed? 

Well, Dorothea didn’t know. She just hoped that Hubert was safe and that she wouldn’t have to be the one to kill him or fall to him. This war is unfair, but there was a new hope thanks to him. She would be fine, as long as she could find her Ferdie again and keep her family safe. 

“Thanks for being selfish, Hubie.” 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I literally have no clue if this plot makes sense but whatever... I had so much fun writing this. I’ve never written anything this long either! Dorothea has always been my favourite character and I think that she cares so much for her classmates. I’m considering doing a sequel to this, so comment/kudos if you are interested in it?
> 
> I’m planning on doing some shorter fics in the future (I’m already working on one with Dorothea and Dedue) so I really hope you can look forward to those! 
> 
> Thank you for reading! ❤️  
> 


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